Saturday, February 20, 2010

"Valentine's Day & More!"

It's been way too long since I have posted any pics of my precious little girl! I haven't been good about taking pictures at all lately! James & I were going through our pictures the other day and it's amazing how much Abigail has changed over the last several months! Abigail has had a little growth spurt because her 18 month clothes are now getting too short for her! She is officially potty trained! Yippee!! It's so much easier than diapers and saves money! It's hard to believe that I'll be signing Abigail up for preschool next week for the fall semester! I know she's going to love preschool because she loves being around other children, but I'm sure going to miss having her at home with me all day! I was looking at Abigail's baby book the other day and realized that I really need to start journaling about the things she does because the baby book just covers the major milestones! The blog helps, but for some reason I always feel like I need to post pictures! And I'm way behind on organizing my pictures of Abigail or putting them in her baby book! I need to get on the ball, she's 2 1/2 already! I could never find time to sit down and write in her baby book when she was a baby! So I'd keep little notes about her milestones so I was able to go back later to write it down in the baby book! Please tell me I'm not the only mother out there that's bad about this?

Here are some pictures from Valentine's Day & some random pics of Abigail playing! We had a nice Valentine's Day here in the Fehrle home! James brought me a beautiful bouquet of roses, some chocolate, and a sweet card! We went to Amerigo's for dinner because it's right around the corner from our house & they had an open reservation when we called at the last minute! We were brave & took Abigail with us to dinner despite the fact that she didn't take a nap, but she was good thankfully! I just didn't feel like cooking & didn't want to fight the crowds! We need to plan better next year! I think that celebrating our wedding anniversary is more important than valentine's day, but it's nice to do a little something special for valentine's day every once in a while!

Abigail's valentine's gift from Daddy along with the heart shaped cookie cake!

Abigail is very excited about her cookie cake that her Daddy bought her!

Abigail getting her Valentine's present from Mommy!

Abigail playing dress up & having a tea party with her friend Maggie!

Abigail playing in her baby doll's crib! Silly girl!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Update

I went back to the doctor today and the ultrasound showed no change since last week and the bloodwork shows my hcg levels are decreasing. My doctor explained that the baby stopped growing around 5 weeks, which I should technically be about 10 weeks pregnant at this point. We discussed my options as far as miscarrying naturally, taking some medicine, or having a d&c. I'm at peace that this pregnancy wasn't meant to be, but emotionally I am ready for this to be over to have some closure. My body doesn't seem to be releasing the pregnancy on its own and I can't keep waiting. So, after talking with James and the doctor, I decided to try the medication first and if it doesn't work then I will schedule a d&c. The medication is supposed to induce the miscarriage, but there's still a chance that it may not work. It's a weird feeling and a difficult decision to make, but knowing that there's dead tissue inside me makes it easier.

God is good! While James & I were at the doctor, we had something that made us laugh & smile and totally took our minds off what was going on at the time. It was totally a God thing, it's just awesome when something like that happens!
My friend Chrissy shared this song with me by Watermark. Christy Nockels of Watermark wrote the song after dealing with miscarriages herself.

"Glory Baby" by Watermark

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby...baby
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby..baby
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we're home with you...
Until we're home with you...

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there's a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You'll kiss the tears away
When we're home to stay
Can't wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
'till mom and dad can hold you...
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it's hard to
understand it 'cause we're hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we're stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would....
Just like He said He would...

I can't imagine heaven's lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heavens is your home
And it's all you'll ever know...all you'll ever know...

I hope this song brings comfort to all the friends and family who have suffered through miscarriages themselves. The past few weeks have been very difficult, but I am overwhelmed by the support and encouragement that we've received from family and friends. We know that God is in control and His timing is perfect. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers!

"For I know the plans I have for you. declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

"Still Waiting!"

I went back to the doctor today for another ultrasound and the amniotic sac was empty. My doctor came in to talk with James & I and hugged me and said, "It doesn't look good." My doctor said he's expecting that this isn't a viable pregnancy, but isn't willing to give up on the pregnancy until he's 100% sure. He wants to give my body time to release the pregnancy on its own before doing anything. I had blood work done to check my hcg levels to see if they're decreasing. I have another ultrasound scheduled for next Wed. It's a weird position to be in knowing that I'm pregnant but there isn't a baby there anymore and I'm just waiting for my body to release the pregnancy. The crazy thing is that a few weeks ago, I was cleaning out our desk and came across the 1st ultrasound picture and started worrying about the amniotic sac being empty. I can't help but wonder if that was the Holy Spirit preparing me for what was to come.

I know that miscarriages are God's way of taking care of an unhealthy pregnancy, but that doesn't make it any easier. I know that God is in control and knows the plan for my family. James & I are so thankful for the little miracle we have in Abigail! Abigail is such a gift from God. While James & I would like more children, we've also said that we would be content if Abigail was our only child. Every baby conceived is a little miracle from God. I started praying last week for God to take this pregnancy if it wasn't healthy, so I am at peace knowing this is all part of God's plan.
I'm going to give my body sometime to release the pregnancy, but will schedule a d&c when my doctor can say for sure that this isn't a viable pregnancy.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

"While I'm Waiting..."

Today I went for another ultrasound and doctor's appointment. James & I were excited and looking forward to the ultrasound and seeing the heartbeat for the first time. Well, as I laid there I started panicking when the amniotic sac looked empty from what I could see. The ultrasound tech reassured me and pointed out where the baby is, it's just measuring small. Basically, I should be measuring 8 weeks & 3 days from my last period, but I'm only measuring 6 weeks & 3 days. There was a little flicker, which could be the heartbeat. I of course being a girl started crying & freaking out.

The doctor explained that it could be one of two things: either I ovulated later or there's a possibility that the pregnancy could result in a miscarriage. I'm thankful that I know my doctor and that he goes to my church because he told me God's in control and knows the plan for this baby either way it goes. I know that God is in control and whatever happens is all part of God's will and his plan.
So, in the meantime I wait. I'll go for weekly ultrasounds and will see the doctor again in two weeks. I haven't had any spotting this pregnancy, but I am having to take progesterone supplements again because my progesterone levels were low. It's a hard place to be in to just have to sit and wait to see what happens. I'm not a patient person at all.
John Waller's song While I'm Waiting came to mind today:

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on you, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on you, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve you
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on you, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on you, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on you, Lord

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds. Because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that it may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4