Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Update

I went back to the doctor today and the ultrasound showed no change since last week and the bloodwork shows my hcg levels are decreasing. My doctor explained that the baby stopped growing around 5 weeks, which I should technically be about 10 weeks pregnant at this point. We discussed my options as far as miscarrying naturally, taking some medicine, or having a d&c. I'm at peace that this pregnancy wasn't meant to be, but emotionally I am ready for this to be over to have some closure. My body doesn't seem to be releasing the pregnancy on its own and I can't keep waiting. So, after talking with James and the doctor, I decided to try the medication first and if it doesn't work then I will schedule a d&c. The medication is supposed to induce the miscarriage, but there's still a chance that it may not work. It's a weird feeling and a difficult decision to make, but knowing that there's dead tissue inside me makes it easier.

God is good! While James & I were at the doctor, we had something that made us laugh & smile and totally took our minds off what was going on at the time. It was totally a God thing, it's just awesome when something like that happens!
My friend Chrissy shared this song with me by Watermark. Christy Nockels of Watermark wrote the song after dealing with miscarriages herself.

"Glory Baby" by Watermark

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby...baby
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby..baby
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we're home with you...
Until we're home with you...

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there's a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You'll kiss the tears away
When we're home to stay
Can't wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
'till mom and dad can hold you...
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it's hard to
understand it 'cause we're hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we're stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would....
Just like He said He would...

I can't imagine heaven's lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heavens is your home
And it's all you'll ever know...all you'll ever know...

I hope this song brings comfort to all the friends and family who have suffered through miscarriages themselves. The past few weeks have been very difficult, but I am overwhelmed by the support and encouragement that we've received from family and friends. We know that God is in control and His timing is perfect. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers!

"For I know the plans I have for you. declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

2 comments:

ChrissyK said...

I am so sad that this has happened to you and your family, but I am encouraged at your strength. You are an encouragement to us all.

I am so glad that the song was able to touch you like it has to me. It is a wonderful song and I love how it simply puts... "you'll just have heaven before we do." LOVE IT!

If you need anything, please let me know what I can do.

Lacey said...

I'm sorry you are going through this Ashley. One day you will see and hold this sweet little baby. I love that song. Made me all teary eyed. Let me know if I can do anything for you guys. Thinking about you!