Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Abigail's 3rd Birthday!

I can't believe that my baby girl is 3 years old, that just doesn't seem right! I am so blessed to be Abigail's Mommy! She's such a beautiful, happy little girl! Abigail has developed quite an imagination lately, which is so fun to watch! She names her baby dolls and makes up little stories all the time! Abigail has brought so much joy to our lives, it's hard to remember what life was like before she came into our world!

I decided to keep Abigail's birthday simple this year since I went way over board the last two years. I let Abigail pick the theme and she chose Abby Cadabby from Seaseme Street. I couldn't find an Abby cake because she's a fairly new face on Seaseme Street, so I had to settle for a princess cake instead. Abigail called it her "purple cake." I only invited family and a few of Abigail's friends which she sees on a regular basis. I basically invited the friends Abigail talks about all the time, so I let her make the guest list. I had a hard time not inviting everyone because I don't want anyone getting their feelings hurt for not being invited. However, for the sake of keeping it simple, I had to let it go. Abigail was so excited about her "Abby Party!"
The day of Abigail's birthday, James & I took her to Incredible Pizza to celebrate her special day. Then, her birthday party was Saturday afternoon. We bought a Rainbow swing set off Craigslist for a fraction of the cost buying them brand new. James worked hard re-staining the swing set & it took him & his two workers half a day to put it back together. Abigail was so excited when she saw her birthday present through the window that she said, "Daddy made me a playground!" Priceless!!! Abigail had so fun at her birthday party! This was the first year that she actually understood it was her birthday. Abigail helped open her presents & blow out the candles on her cake. Abigail had so much fun passing out her party hats to her friends. It was so cute to watch her get so excited over her "Abby Birthday Party!" Abigail is blessed to have such wonderful family and friends! She's one spoiled little girl that's for sure! However, I sure do love my spoiled little girl to pieces!
Abigail's Abby Cadabby Party!

Singing Happy Birthday & about to blow out the candles!

James pushing Abigail & Maggie on the swings!

Abigail's playground!

Abigail swinging while the playground is still being put together!

Abigail at Incredible Pizza riding the tea cups!

Abigail had to ride the train a few times!

Abigail just having fun!

James couldn't wait to ride the race cars with Abigail!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

"Bad things happen to Good People"

"Bad things happen to good people." I have been thinking about this phrase a lot over the past few days. As many of you know, I had a miscarriage in February. Well, I found out at the beginning of May that I was pregnant again. James & I were both happy, but having a hard time getting excited about the pregnancy having gone through the miscarriage. So, we decided to only tell our family, community group, & close friends. We started getting excited about another baby and planning for growing our little family. We began looking at bigger vehicles to better fit multiple car seats & started discussing moving into our bigger investment property when our tenants lease is up in a year. The first few doctor's appointments, I was so nervous and holding my breathe the whole time. However, we started to relax & really get excited about the pregnancy when we were able to see the little heart beating.

Then, on Tuesday our daughter's 3rd birthday, I began having another miscarriage. I was trying my best to hold it together for my daughter, but it was so hard. I felt horrible because Abigail knew something was wrong with me. She even blamed herself and told my mom that I was upset because she had pooped in her panties. My poor little girl was blaming herself for my pain. I spent the next evening in the ER thinking for sure I was going to bleed to death, probably too much information. The next morning was the first morning for James & I to wake up without Abigail being in the other room. We had never spent a night away from her since she was born. Well, I guess I should technically say we had never spent a night away from her since leaving the N.I.C.U.
Going through this pain again has been so hard. I'm so thankful for all the support from family & friends. I have realized that sometimes when you don't know what to say to someone, it's probably best not to say anything or just say "I'm sorry for your pain." The person who said something that had the most meaning told me " I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better." It's funny how people would say how much hardier two is than just one as if I were ignorant enough to think it would be a piece of cake. My one child can be difficult at times, but I still love her more than words can express. I grew up with siblings and can't imagine Abigail growing up an only child. I have learned that sometimes it's better not to say anything even if your heart's in the right place.
The last few days have been an emotional roller coaster because as my heart is breaking over losing another life, but I needed to pull it together to celebrate my daughter's life. I had to push through and get ready for Abigail's birthday party on Saturday. I didn't feel prepared at all and was doing everything at the last minute. I was feeling guilty for just feeling like I was going through the motions even though mentally & emotionally my heart was somewhere else. My precious daughter had a wonderful birthday despite everything else that was going on around her. This was the first year for Abigail to understand that it was her birthday & she had so much fun celebrating with her friends. How I miss that sweet child like innocence sometimes.
I didn't announce on facebook that I was pregnant or blog about it for fear of having to tell everyone I had miscarried again if that happened. However, as I was at church this morning and people asked me how I was doing, I couldn't bring myself to say the usual "good." Frankly, life kinda of sucks right now and there's just not a better way of putting it. I don't like holding in my pain and I've always been an open person. So, I decided instead of just putting on a happy face as if everything were fine, I was going to be honest and share with those my pain if they cared enough to ask how I was doing. One of my sweet friends said as I became all emotional telling her, "it's okay to cry, we are family." Todays message at church was on the church as a family and how as brothers & sisters in Christ we are all a family. Okay God, I hear you!
I'm a planner and I'm not a patient person at all. I always dreamed of being a wife & a mom and staying at home with a house full of kids just like my mom. I struggled being single several years ago before I met my husband. When my husband & I started dating, we said we would date for at least a year before getting engaged. I started growing impatient wanting to be engaged like all my friends. My Dad told my husband to make me wait for the ring and James listened to my Dad. At least, James knew what he was getting himself into when her married me. I never imagined finding someone so amazing to share my life with. Then, when James & I became parents and our lives changed again. I never imagined the instant unconditional love that you have for your child. So, when we decided to start growing our family again, I expected it to just happen like I planned. So, right now I'm struggling with the anger & bitterness of things not going the way I planned on top of the physical & emotional pain of miscarriage.
I need to remember that it's not my will, but HIS. I need to stop getting so caught up in my own plans for my life and more fully pursue the plans that God has for me. I'm sharing my story because it's therapeutic for me, but I also want others to know what's going on with me and because I know there are people in my life who have felt this same pain. Please pray for the healing of our broken hearts & for us to more fully pursue God's will for our family. I may not understand why I'm going through this pain now, but I know someday I will look back and completely understand why I had to go through this pain.

Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Abigail's 1st Big Girl Bike!

A few weeks ago, Abigail got her first big girl bike! She had been asking for a bike, but every time we were at Toys r' Us we would try to get her to ride the bikes and she would get frustrated and get off the bike. Still Abigail continued to ask for a bike. James & I planned on buying her one for her birthday, but she was able to get the bike as a reward. Abigail had regressed in potty training in the poop department, so I developed a sticker chart and told her she could pick out a toy when she got some many stickers. Well, this method worked in helping my already potty trained child get back on track. The first toy she picked out was a small $20 toy. However, this time she picked out the bike & we decided to go ahead and get it for her as a reward because she was so excited about the bike! Thankfully Abigail stopped asking for the stickers after she goes potty so we don't have to worry about buying anymore toys. I admit the bike was a little too much to spend for a reward. Abigail is one spoiled little girl! She loves her new bike & has enjoyed riding it around our house! Mommy & Daddy are so proud!

Abigail sporting her bike helmet!

Daddy helping Abigail steer!

Friday, June 11, 2010

"Abigail's 1st Hair cut!"

A little over a week ago, Abigail got her first hair cut! Abigail has very fine hair & she had a little bit of a rat tail going on in the back. I wanted to hold off cutting it until after her big dance recital. I have always wondered why she doesn't have more hair than she does. I was born with lots of hair & have always had long hair except for when it was chopped off when I was in kindergarden & I went to school crying everyday about it. James was also born with a head full of hair & is in need of a hair cut every time I turn around. Anyways, I hope getting it trimmed will help Abigail's hair grow thicker & faster.

We took Abigail to Sweet & Sassy to get her first hair cut. She didn't take a nap that day because I made the mistake of telling her we were going to get her toes painted. So, I think she was too excited to sleep. Abigail wasn't sure what to think about getting her hair cut, but she was very good. I almost cried when I saw her little baby hair that was cut off! However, she looks so cute with her little hair cut! Abigail enjoyed her first mini pedicure too! She's a girly girl for sure!

Abigail's baby hair!

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Memorial Day

Memorial Day was spent at Papa & Grandma's farm. Abigail helped work in the garden, but didn't know what to think because all the vegetable plants were bigger than her. We ate squash & green beans fresh from the garden along with some grilled fish that James caught the night before. It was very hot outside, but we played outside as much as we could. After lunch, Papa & Grandma were ready to go home. So, we stopped by our farm on the way home because Abigail wanted to see the baby calfs. Abigail fell asleep during the car ride home & took a very long nap. We had a very busy, but fun holiday weekend!

Abigail in Papa's garden!
Picking green beans with Daddy!
Picking squash with Daddy!
Papa's garden at his farm!

Our little cowgirl! Her shirt says "All American Sweetheart!"

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

"Abigail's 1st Dance Recital!"

Sunday night was Abigail's 1st dance recital! Boni's on Broadway 2010! Abigail has been taking pre-ballet all year with Boni's dance studio. I love Boni's because all the teachers are so wonderful with the little ones. Abigail has learned so much throughout the school year. Abigail's dance was to the song from the movie Grease, "Hopelessly Devoted to You!" The girls danced holding teddy bears! The dance was precious! Abigail was so excited about her dance recital & kept asking me when we were going to her dance recital. When the recital was over, she didn't quite know what to do with herself. She was overwhelmed by all the family who came to see her dance. I was one proud Mama & more nervous than she was about the whole thing.

Our little ballerina!

Mommy & Abigail
Daddy, Abigail, & Grandma
Kayla, Abigail, & Uncle Ricky
Mimi, Honey, Abigail, & Kayla
Mommy, Daddy, & Abigail

Daddy getting his little princess off stage!