Wednesday, March 30, 2011

New Perspective

Being on bedrest has been an eye opening experience for me. I've had all kinds of emotions along this journey. First of all, I'm so thankful that I can at least get out of bed. My doctor would like for me to be laying down or as he would say "horizontal" most of the time. However, I sit more than I lay because it's more comfortable for me. Sitting is more comfortable because I have horrible reflux/indigestion. I continue to monitor my blood pressure at home & my blood pressure is stable. I have been able to get out of the house for short little outings here & there. However, I do see a difference in my blood pressure on the days I have gotten out of the house. My blood pressure is not high, just higher than what it is when I'm resting. I'm thankful that what's working for my family to abide with this whole bedrest thing is working for my body. I'm so thankful that I'm not having contractions or any other signs of preterm labor.

I have had feelings of guilt for all the times when I could have helped friends who were sick/had babies/on bedrest/death in the family/etc. & I didn't make the time in my schedule to visit them or take them a meal. We all have busy lives, but we all have time to reach out and help others. It all comes down to prioritizing. In the same way we make excuses for not making time for a quiet time because "we don't have time." We all have time, it's how we choose to prioritize our days. For example, I'm wasting time right now sitting here typing this blog when I could be writing thank you notes that I need to get mailed. We all take time to watch t.v. at some point during the day. And I'm sure we all at some point during the day get on facebook and waste time or waste time searching the internet. My point is that if we're really being honest with ourselves, are we really doing something productive during every minute of our days? The answer is "NO!" Trust me I am guilty of this too and have really been convicted of how I've prioritized my life. I have also felt guilty for the burden that's being put on James & my mom for all the responsibilities they are taking care of because I can't. My mom has been busy taking Abigail to & from preschool, dance, & gymnastics. James works all day & then he comes home and has to figure out what he's going to make for dinner. Then, he has to clean the kitchen, do the laundry, do the grocery shopping, & tend to Abigail. I feel guilty for not being able to be the Mom I want to be for Abigail. Thankfully, Abigail understands that the Dr wants Mommy to rest so baby Jacob can keeping growing in my tummy. Although, she's beginning to get inpatient and asks everyday if it's time for baby Jacob to come out.
I have felt isolated, lonely, & depressed at times. The weekends have been the most difficult for me because it's more quiet around my house. James goes to the farm on Saturdays. He has to go check on the cows & it's relaxing for him. My mother-in-law usually takes Abigail for the morning on Saturdays & brings her home in time for her nap. Sundays are difficult because I'm home by myself all morning while James & Abigail go to church without me. I felt it was important for Abigail that she keep her schedule & routine. I didn't want my family to have to stay home just because I couldn't leave the house. I listen to the podcast from the week before while James & Abigail are at church. After we eat lunch & put Abigail in her room for a nap, James & I spend time discussing our notes from the sermon the week before.
I have felt so loved by so many friends who have come to visit me or brought me a meal. The visits from friends give me something to look forward to & helps the days go by faster. Of course, the meals are always helpful. I've been able to reconnect with friends during this time and gotten a chance to know new friends better. A Sunday school teacher from when I was in the youth group whom I've reconnected with through facebook brought me dinner one night, what a treat! Two of my friends who know me well insisted on bringing dinner. It's just been very interesting to see who in my life has stepped up to help encourage & support me during this time. Like I said at the beginning of this post, it's been an eye opening experience. I'm not writing this for pitty, I just simply wanted to document my feelings.
On another note, I'm almost 33 weeks pregnant! Yay! My personal goal was to make it to 34 weeks! Anything beyond that is just icing on the cake! Although, I would like to make it to my scheduled c-section at 38.5 weeks! We'll see how long my doctor wants to keep me on bedrest/house arrest.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

4D Ultrasound

On Thursday, I had a 4D ultrasound! I didn't get the opportunity to get a 4D ultrasound when I was pregnant with Abigail because I had her so early. I was excited to get a chance to get the 4D ultrasound with this pregnancy. James & I decided it would be fun to take Abigail with us so she could see her baby brother too. Abigail was a little confused & thought we were going to the hospital to have the baby. Abigail thought it was so funny to see baby Jacob on the screen. She kept asking to hear his little heart beating. Abigail is so excited about having a baby brother! She's going to be such a good big sister! I LOVED getting to watch my baby move around inside my tummy for almost 30 minutes! We got tons of ultrasound pictures, a CD, & DVD! It was well worth the money it cost since it wasn't covered by insurance! Again, these are pictures of the ultrasound pictures since I don't have a scanner at home. I think baby Jacob looks precious & I can't wait to meet him!

Awe, look at that sweet face!

Yawning!

One of Jacob's little hands!

Jacob's little feet, although they don't look so little!

Another shot of Jacob's face!

Jacob smiling, although it's probably just a little gas! LOL!

Friday, March 04, 2011

Go Western Day!

Abigail had Go Western Day at her school last week. She was so excited about her new boots & dressing up like a cowgirl. We didn't have time to find a hat for her to wear. I ordered the dress & when James brought it home Abigail said, "I need a hat & purse to match!" She is a little princess for sure! Abigail is very into horses right now & keeps asking us for a horse. She is even saying she wants to be a cowgirl when she grows up. I'm really bummed that we won't get to go to the rodeo this year because I'm on bed rest, but there's always next year. When my Mom dropped Abigail off at school, the teacher told my mom that Abigail is going to have so much fun because they would be talking all about horses that day. I'm already planning for her birthday party in June & it's going to be a cowgirl party complete with pony rides. I love my little cowgirl!